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The kind of conversation outlined in italics above will not save your marriage, but it could be what gets the ball rolling in the right direction. Depending on where you all are, your wife may even get angry or skeptical about why you are suddenly doing this. A formal or clinical disclosure, done with the guidance of a skilled therapist, is a crucial first step to finding recovery in your marriage.

I find these are much more successful when done in the context of a couple’s three day intensive.

But first, here is an example of how you can address some of the above questions: Honey, I have realized that you must feel pretty left out of my recovery.

I know I am gone so much with meetings and therapy and that must be so hard for you after all you have been through.

When sex addicts are in early recovery, their wives (if they have chosen to stay in the marriage) live in fear. Your wife learned early on that she “didn’t cause it, can’t change it, and can’t control it.” So where’s the balance? Does that mean you can’t focus on your marriage at the same time? I’ve seen it happen enough to know it is possible, even in the direst of circumstances.

Fear that you may lose your job because of a slip at work. But you are supposed to be in control of your recovery, right? Related: Life After Porn–5 Things My Husband Did to Rebuild Trust But if you can get rid of those toxic ideas, and recognize you are stronger than some may want you to think you are, your marriage can survive and even thrive!

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I love a man that is a gentleman when we go to dinner, but when I take him up to my apartment he rips my clothes off.When I explain this to wives they are almost always very receptive and understanding about this: control) you should be the one finding the therapist and meetings.If she is doing this, lovingly tell her that you want to be the one to do these things because it shouldn’t be her responsibility and isn’t fair to her. If she won’t have this conversation with you, make sure she knows you are there when she is ready to talk, and remind her of this often.I can’t even imagine how painful this has been for you.I don’t know how much you know about 12 step programs like the one I am involved in.In a minute I’ll explain what she doesn’t need to know.